Obituaries

Kathryn Sullivan-Jones
B: 1946-10-20
D: 2019-02-06
View Details
Sullivan-Jones, Kathryn
Lynton Bourne
B: 1933-01-05
D: 2019-02-06
View Details
Bourne, Lynton
John McGee
B: 1930-03-09
D: 2019-02-05
View Details
McGee, John
Carissa Robinson
D: 2019-02-02
View Details
Robinson, Carissa
Willa Higgins
B: 1927-02-19
D: 2019-01-30
View Details
Higgins, Willa
Charles Mitchell III
B: 1950-01-03
D: 2019-01-29
View Details
Mitchell III, Charles
Betty Barnett
B: 1931-05-16
D: 2019-01-19
View Details
Barnett, Betty
Jennette Griffin
B: 1946-10-10
D: 2019-01-18
View Details
Griffin, Jennette
BETTY SADDLER
B: 1941-05-11
D: 2019-01-15
View Details
SADDLER, BETTY
Clarence Laster
B: 1935-07-08
D: 2019-01-14
View Details
Laster, Clarence
Bessie Bryles
B: 1914-07-09
D: 2019-01-14
View Details
Bryles, Bessie
Bettie McClain
B: 1935-08-05
D: 2019-01-13
View Details
McClain, Bettie
Harvey Mc Murray
D: 2019-01-10
View Details
Mc Murray, Harvey
Richard Vaughns
B: 1947-04-30
D: 2019-01-05
View Details
Vaughns, Richard
Dovey Hicks
B: 1949-09-28
D: 2018-12-27
View Details
Hicks, Dovey
James Allen
B: 1959-08-28
D: 2018-12-18
View Details
Allen, James
Ella Braddock
D: 2018-11-21
View Details
Braddock, Ella
Arthur McIver
B: 1951-08-06
D: 2018-11-11
View Details
McIver, Arthur
Charles Freeny
D: 2018-11-09
View Details
Freeny, Charles
Willie Ewing
B: 1917-09-23
D: 2018-11-07
View Details
Ewing, Willie
Patricia Valentine
B: 1947-10-27
D: 2018-10-31
View Details
Valentine, Patricia

Search

Use the form above to find your loved one. You can search using the name of your loved one, or any family name for current or past services entrusted to our firm.

Click here to view all obituaries
Search Obituaries
1455 N. Fair Oaks Avenue
Pasadena, CA 91103
Phone: 626-798-8941
Fax: 626-798-0195

Ending Denial and Finding Acceptance

Acceptance is the very first task in your bereavement. Dr. James Worden writes that we must "come full face with the reality that the person is dead, that the person is gone and will not return."

This is where a funeral can be very important. Traditionally, the casketed body of the deceased is at the front of the room and guests are invited to step up to personally say their goodbyes. Part of stepping up means seeing with our own eyes that death has actually occurred and that actualizing is an essential part of coming to accept the death. Yet, the tradition of viewing has eroded over time with many families today choosing cremation and opting to hold a memorial service after the cremation has taken place. The focal point of the ceremony becomes the cremation urn, holding the cremated remains or ashes out-of-sight and making the reality of the death less evident and the road to acceptance less clearly marked.

Acceptance May Seem Out-of-Reach

For many, acceptance means agreeing to reality. Most of us, when we lose someone dear to us, simply don't want to agree to it; we actually have an aversion to agreeing and accepting. So, let's use a different word - try adjustment, or integration. Both words focus on the purposeful release of disbelief. Someone who has integrated the death of a loved one into their life has cleared the path to creating a new life; a pro-active life where a loved one's memory is held dear, perhaps as a motivating force for change.

It does take time. In Coping with the Loss of a Loved One, the American Cancer Society cautions readers that "acceptance does not happen overnight. It’s common for it to take a year or longer to resolve the emotional and life changes that come with the death of a loved one. The pain may become less intense, but it’s normal to feel emotionally involved with the deceased for many years after their death. In time, the person should be able to reclaim the emotional energy that was invested in the relationship with the deceased, and use it in other relationships." 

Whatever you call it, this essential part of mourning is what allows us to live fully again. It allows us to step out of the darkness of mere existence and back into the sunshine where life is sweet again. Of course, it's a very different life than the one you had before your loved one died.

Sources:
Worden, James, Grief Counseling & Grief Therapy: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner, 4th Edition, 2009.

American Cancer Society, "Coping with the Loss of a Loved One", 2012



 

52 Weeks of Support

It's hard to know what to say when someone experiences loss. Our free weekly newsletter provides insights, quotes and messages on how to help during the first year.